The Dream Girl...

finally as of december 12 2005, finally have the courage to write out this dream girl entry of mine.... to many it may seem like a the obvious, but for the little me who's slowly discovering the wonders of life.... but after much thinking and searching.... i feel like i've found my dream girl....

it all started out as a simple crush on her.... nothing more than admiration cause why? simply didn't have the courage to tell her how special she is to me.... nor was i even willing to commit myself to her... the heart was willing but somehow something held me back.... perhaps my personal values? or was it simply because i thought too much.... TOO MUCH!!!!

time moved on and so did my feelings for her.... i thought to myself perhaps she's not the one.... and managed to move on..... but as soon as i saw that my new crush got taken away (don't ask why) she came back into the picture again.... to date its the 4th time developing feelings for her....

and how did this 4th time come about? perhaps its due to this dream.... and a combination of other small events.... but this dream really took the bait.... has left me with nothing but "???" so here goes this dream i recall...... was a dream of both of us together playing in this garden.... without a worry about the outside world nor a hint of distrust between the both of us.... it was as pure and romantic a relationship is could be...... soon after this dream takes the both of us into this funeral session.... with everyone wearing black suits and dresses mourning for the body in the coffin..... on the other hand, we were seated happily and being the only 2 dressed with non-black clothes..... god knows what we wore..... our moments alone just continued....

so what kind of story do i take away from this?

• could it be that our relationship would never fall apart even in death?

• or could it be that our relationship together was dead from the start

then i thought, hey if not sure about myself, why not i try and like see whether it would work inreal life.... but sms / calls / e-mails all didn't work..... even having a simple chat with her is hard work indeed..... was it ever meant to be? back to her 4 times!... i have no idea what to say..... i started out with fuelling passion for her....... but during the past 2 months..... things haven't been lookin good and i must say this passion is not what it used to be already compared to 2 month ago....

more importantly, she's my age! haha...... thought not really an important factor..... she really means theworld to me...... but like a clock that has ticked fora long time..... as it runs out of battery, it slowly experiences a silent death and disappears..... this can be directly related to my feelings for her.... friends tell me to go for a final push..... i know i am gonna try my best for one last push....

but at the end of the day...... after all the effort for the past.... *counts... 5 odd years..... its been a fruitless crusade.... and i guess she is definitely my dream girl..... but sadly, this is one dream i cannot achieve.... looks like all i can do is try and move on.... and most certainly try not to think so much.....

who is she? well she's the dream girl...