phoo.... back for 2 months and now audrey and i have taken the pan off the stove. it feels weird that just a year ago things were getting warm from the heat of a birthday candle, then it became stronger like a morning sunny side up egg, then things got serious and it became more of a steak. well done. and now..... poof.... finito...

where do we go from here? where am i? where do I go from here? this empty void that has been created in my heart. its just plain weird... think of a miner that suddenly gets his pick axe taken away.... you feel like there's nothing left to do. that probably how i feel right now... all those dreams and hopes that i had... its like they've just flew away from right in front of my eyes. and what could i do? just sit there as they flew away...

am i happy? for what? what's there to be happy about? in a way i'm happy for the both of us. that perhaps we can find someone better for each other. we come from different backgrounds i have to agree. i was willing to learn to accept. we've got different personalities. we learnt to accept it but eventually it seems to have consumed our relationship. what really went wrong? if i knew i'd be a millionaire by now.

its not helping that my work has suddenly OVERWHELMED me. not the CAPS and the use of such a strong word. it has simply reduced my quality time. but well i guess this is the norm and that i've to learn to accept it. i'm deriving a lot of fun from it (part of my rechannelising my energy thingy) and its really interesting to interact with different kinds of people. it seems to help to fill this void right now. its not a replacement i'm sure... its just something to fill this emptiness that is plagueing me right now.

deep down inside my feelings for you have never changed. but i guess this decision... well.... this time has really dealt a hard blow to me and i've got no time to really heal the wounds, but to simply continue with my work. like how a soldier gets morphine after being injured in battle and continuing to fight.

audrecia... my heart feels lonely without you. i'm glad that we "walked" side by side for the past 11 months. and i'm glad that you've gotten your job and all the best with it. See the World! and remember to be good... =)

---

yup... ok now for the angst of the day. for the one hundred gazillionth time! i am S H A U N! shaun shaun shaun shaun shaun!!!!! my god.... today 2 people spelt my name as SHUAN! what the heck! it all started in primary 3... one of my trophies... "Shuan Chua Bor-Seng" after that, countless "how do i spell you name? S H U A N???" the occasional msn "hi shuan" and now e-mails after e-mails of "shuan, can you action on this"

WHAT IS WITH SHUAN!!! its not even in the listed variations of shaun

there's
Shawn
Shaun
Sean
Jean (if u must)

where does SHUAN come from??? how in the world does SHUAN sound like a SHAUN? lets try and pronounce it shall we? lets do shaun first. come now ladies and gentlemen.... "SHOR-N" so how do YOU pronouce shuan "SHUAR-N" what the *&^%$#@! its not remotely close... and no shuan is not my chinese name.... its not SHU-AN. i've got a colleague thats sue-ann. but that doesn't make me a SHU-AN. omg!!!!!

somebody... anybody.... next time when you write my name. all i ask for is you either spell it wrongly but still remotely correct. or ask me how its spelt. i can't take this shu-an anymore!!!

argh!!!!

---