helloz....

i'm back to blog once again... eh i think its gonna be quite a handful of an entry cause i have something in my head at present which i think needs sorting out. anyway i've posted quite a few pictures of the USS Abraham Lcaicoln, basically the US Aircraft carrier that recently dockedhere in singapore.

something new that recently happened in my life was the fact taht i have flown my GH solo. GH basically means General Handling. so yup was basically tasked with flying my Final Handling Test profile alone with my instructor Siva staying in the control tower. so basically flew all alone climbing to 6000 feet. which was totally awesome!!! and it was such a bloody cloudy day... so i was constantly making sure i didn't fly out of my training area. though this may sound kinda ridiculous cause its like running out of your lane on a running track. it is certainly very possible since your ground references are 6000feet below you and blocked by clouds the thickness of about 1500feet. so yeahz... i really enjoyed myself during that flight... my flight was "cut short" by one of my instructors who was taking care of me in the sky from another aircraft. reason being that the clouds were building up and rising. so i had to request for recovery clearance. funny thing was there was a "traffic jam" so i could circle around Area Bravo for another 10mins... which was damm shiok... aircraft was all trimmed and flying at the correct settings... i was simply holding the control column with 2 fingers touching it.... performing rate 1 turns to make sure that i do not fly out of the area.... this was where my mind was slowly filled with a little dilemma... which i will elaborate later. landings were all very good and accurate.... truly i can say that this was a very good flight... a very enjoyable flight...

anyway i'm gonna try and confront this little dilemma now... so i suggest that reading on would not be worth your time... cause i wanna sort things out within myself first.... its getting frustrating for me cause i'm so unsure of things right now....













well its about this girl whom i know very well.... (if u know who you are while as u read it.... and if you're reading this..... well u know what kind of person i am... i won't force u not to read or vice versa..... but do not take pity of the little war i fight now... if u take any offence of what i say here.... voice it out to me so that i can take it down from my blog. you have earned a special place in my heart already...)

it started out as a mere acquanitance on that one fine day at KFC... that was in december... and now well we are somewhat a lot more familiar with each other... in my opinion i think she is a really really really nice girl who has a really warm and attractive attitude towards life that somehow makes me find her a very approachable gal...

slowly i started getting close to her as the days went by and as we shared many lunches together and a few other things.... i don't want to comment on how much of this closeness is returned to me. i started to feel this attachment towards her.... not as a crush that i normally and have had for the past years... it is more like a close friend or a sister kind of attachment... perhaps that allowed me to be at ease around her... rather than being so uptight when i'm with someone i have a crush on.... instead i got closer to her.....

life was good.... it still is good... heck i would say that if i were to die right now.... i would have no regrets.... i would be happy. anywayz... perhaps in one way we got a little closer.... and perhaps with a somewhat gentlemanly character and caring feelings... perhaps..... in one way.... my feelings for her started to grow just a lil bit.... the need to protect her... like how a blanket should cover u nicely to keep u warm and secure.... those kind of feelings grew... the feelings of affection....

the present... after filtering out a lot of stuff.... i think i'm just getting very very confused.... cause on one hand... i'm really really very very happy to be with her... as friends... but... but.... somehow this feelings of affection are somehow too weird.... its somewhat unnatural for friends to be like this... i mean i can always be the asshole and continue being like this but i can never bring myself to that... cause i know it may lead to me just playing with her feelings.... and of course i would never want that....

i'm confused.... on one hand i really am very happy to be with her... and that my feelings for her.... are genuine.... they truly are... but.... somehow... egh..... (makes a few distorted facial expressions...) i'm not one who plays around with people's feelings... but.... (shucks i dunno how to express myself already...) how would one explain it.... its like the elves in the lord of the rings.... like eowyn and aragon... if they want to be together eowyn has to give up her eternal life as an elf to be with the man she loves.... and that if she leaves.... well its just gonna be more painful. .... it will be some what the case for me too... NS is very very close... and i won't be able to really go out with her so often... which of course is not fair on my part to her..... i mean i want to be with her whenever i can.... but its just not right.... and perhaps the time is not right yet.... hai.... its also some things that she's going through that makes me just wanna be there for her... thats all.... with no intention of taking advantage of her situation.... but just to brave it through with her......

a question i ask myself is..... "am i in love with her?" i honestly hope to.... its already gone quite high up my "scale" affection being highly rated enough.... but... but i can clearly say one thing right here right now..... she is deserving on my love... if she does one day give her heart to me.... i will gladly give mine to her... ... ...

^_^... happy!!! i'm happy again!!! after a day of soul searching and about 5hours of blogging... now being the 6th hour.... i think my mind is totally clear now.... !!!