bonjour my fellow readers...

pardon me for my temporary absence. wonder why i disappeared right... haha.... kinda like DUH!! i got my prelims..... unlike people like xiu yun, jeffrey and leonard..... basically SAJC... i have not have had the privilege ad honour of being able to relax for a bit longer. :P

oki..... basically comments on my

ENGLISH LITERATURE PAPER 3 (20th cent authors)
HISTORY PAPER 1 (European history)

the former was basically very much a disaster.... simply because i only studied and know in depth over 1 text. the one that of TRANSLATIONS. and the woman warrior and ariel are like shit manz.... i mean seriously..... her poems are about death, suicide, cutting herself, blood, mastubating males, birth, mothers, bees, Nazis, Redcoats and a whole lot of other themes bahz... sian.... i dunno how people feel towards my own poetry which i know isn't of that good a standard... .but i seriously don't get her poems....

european history.. oki this paper i got scared shit out of it.... cause its the most taxing paper.... well maybe thats why my school is known for its overwhelming As for history. i tried to cram as much as i could..... yahz....but to not much avail.... i got scared that night and dreamt of the teacher... miss yao... i dreamt that i sat down for the paper, and she grabbed a chair and sat next to me while i was writing.... then started talking to me about the internet and other things.... !!!

then what really scared me was when i was standing outside the exam hall... for the first time in a long time... i had butterflies in my stomach... even kalai and leo could see i looked sick... and yes... in case you were wonderin.... i was about to actually collapse.... vision was bluring... was feeling awfully weak and stuff..... yahz....

okiz... today i made a interesting insight to my own character.... choose to read or go to the tag board and say something.... or subsequently after reading on.... tag me as well... ^_^ currenlty thinking of adding new photos to my TREE OF LIFE cause when i did mention it was for people who've played a part in my life... i noticed i left out many others. sorry !!! i'll get it up soon.

oki the interesting insight i made today is regarding the many number of times i've thought i've found the girl of my dreams and how i subsequently fell in "love" and the feeling dies.... though i'm no love expert, i am trying to understand my own feelings better nowz... i mean there's a difference in my personality.... i guess could be my rather conservative upbringing and maybe my autocratic/democratic (irony, but it happens) character. beats me. but generally i know now that there's something called

BEAUTY - basically someone who is beyond words of description... who catches my eye everyother time. this does cause that little emotion in me to errupt.

LIKE - basically someone who i normally work with and find that "hey, her character is really good after all" maybe there's a hope. but is often limited by the fact that i can't garner the guts to go to the next level and remains like a admirer stage.

ATTRACTED - basically someone who i've fallen head over heels over... someone whom yes... i'm willing to go the extra mile (though i often do that for anyone else) and generally you could say its love. but i won't want to call it that cause i think love is to silly-ly and loosely defined. basically this is the point where i know i want to commit myself and that i would want to develop my attraction into our love.

LOVE - now this is something i'm still unable to really comment on. but i'll leave a thought here... its basically someone i know i feel comfortable with and that she has the trust in me. that she can relate her problems to. (may it be in a whisper, cry, whining or erruption of feelings) i know that i will do whatever i can to help her out. and most of all... she would have won my devotion.... would i die for her? yes. i would gladly give her my liver if you were wondering. :P

yeapz.... thanks for reading it. you've just had a good insight into my heart. and yes.... the all interesting question... which stage am i at? or whats the highest stage i've reached? well the answer is pretty simple... i know i'm entering the 3rd stage.

ja-ne
shauny