phew phew phew......

been battling this sudden huge fluctuations in emotions today...

its like the feeling of reaching the top of a roller coaster and slowly going over the top.... u feel this sense of weightlessness. for pilots.... think negative Gs.

yahz... think that..... got it good..... been experiencing this for periods of up to 1min... sometimes unable to suppress it when it comes back again a couple of minutes later... and wat was worse is that i woke up with a severe chest pain.... well.... after having yet another nice dream of her..... ARGH!!!! these nice dreams are just too perfect compared to the situation i'm in now..... i hate it cause a part of me tells me not to go for it for her sake..... and yet a part of me feels otherwise.... and really manz.... these dreams are just so simple..... its like.... its totally achievable for a singaporean.... yet it shows one's affection....... just keeps me in awe and what those entangled tubes of knowledge brews for me each night. is it a form of escapism from this cruel reality? or is it a form of comfort? (which is still escapism) or is it a sign of things to come? (which is still escapism) could it be an act of God sending me a message? (remotely close to escapism) i wonder..... wonder.... wonder....

aiii..... 10.40pm already... been bloggin for like 40mins? yahz..... its like i'm taking all the time in the world to blog this. hmmm...... thought just crossed my mind....... is it time to close this blog? cause i don't know who comes to this blog anymore..... these though far from reaching to the far reaches of my mind.... (trust me... its further than that walk to the kitchen to get a cup of water while you read my blog) hmmm..... hmmmm....hmmmm...... oh well back to my entry...

dunno whether there's a link between the dream and my chest pain..... cause i kinda woke up with my chest bone being extremely restricted.... been having it in conjunction with those highs..... good gosh...... (looks at myself from outside the box) i'm really losing myself manz...... shaun in outram wasn't like this..... yes he did like girls then.... got crazy over them..... but not for this long, nor this intense..... though perhaps its still similar that i get nothing in return..... i guess.... perhaps maybe...... the time's not right yet..... who know's.... may become singapore's most eligible bachaelor...... appear on TV for 1 night... next day married... -_-''... haha.....

i guess i've either lost my morals and lowered myself to such a level...
or i've matured and feel the introduction of love...
or is it because the stresses of life has caused me to look elsewhere to keep myself in control.
or is it simply because i just appreciate whatever flaws, strengths, likes and dislilkes she has.

oki oki..... RESTRICTION!!! (slap slap) "for crying out loud manz.... its a public blog.... we don't want the whole world being bothered by this.... maybe some but not the whole freakin WORLD!!!" Shaun's inner self....

yahz.... haha... find it interesting letting my other side of my talk from time to time..... or rather make it more prominent.... u know like Iago..... muahahahhaha.... oh crap....... chest pain..... oh wellz.... gonna hit the bed nowz...... don't care about my test tomorrow..... well at least for Euro...... i've read through.. i know a couple of facts...... and i'm through.......

"SHAUN!!!! what the hell do you think you're doing manZ!!! look what she doing to yA!!! 5 Distinctions and now what?! some kinda crumpled up results...."

oh wellz..... yahz..... sleepin early...... need to get rid of this..... this...... feeling..... (ha like thats gonna happen in reality) hopefully if its just gonna remain unanswered...... i'll just suppress it..... or harness its energy..... can boost my energy levels from brink of falling asleep mode to 60% power in jjust 10secs. well..... can expect a new dream tonight..... that helps.... wonder wat my inner self would give me tonight...... such simplicity, such elegance, such beauty, such innocence, suuch affection..... too perfect..... (eyes feel watery already.....)

"Shaun shaun shaun shaun shaun..... you've been really hit hard by her this time ehz... secondary school and now in JC??? haha.... reminds me of Sakuragi in Slam Dunk"

yeahz... oh wellz.... ladies and gents...... so long, good day, good night... but not goodbye....

11pm
Blog count 1093