GONG XI FA CAI!

today was a day of getting new ang pows.... yeah...... getting together and stuff... wow to see all my cousins and relatives together was really fun... and taking those photos was good stuff haha.... squeezing 20+ relatives into a hall was ok.... bbut i must say.... as much as our family is big and diverse.... i can sense the alienation among family members.... especially me... why.

why am i the one being alienated? why? cause all my cousins never talk to me... only 3 out of about 15 cousins on my father's side talk to me. 2 of them being my dad's brother's children. the other being one of my age. the rest just plainly ignore me.... why is that so? i mean there are 3 cousins in the Chua family that are born in 1986. why do they favour the other 2 so much more? why?

why is it so? could it because i'm english educated? cause i dun share the same interest? cause i'm more successful then the others (been noticing that i'm being compared with my cuz... 2 in poly ya see), could they think that i'm smart but stupid? (i got 11 points and i'm still in CJC?) ya... i mean i've been personally told to go to HCJC.... communism anyone? not this facist... lol... its really strange... to think that as much as i like my family and tradition.... i'm somehow a pencil among pens.

so in the afternoon went to my godma's house.... 4 cousins live there. sEc 1, P5, the other 2 <5

the 3rd one is very spoilt manz.... as much as i'm a single child and is stereotyped to be pampered and spoilt..... i dare to say i'm not that. and that such people easily piss me off.... and my cousin..... !!!!! ***** he was playing with the powerpoint switch which was already intentially blocked by a wooden stool. then the maid came to tell him to stop that. he didn't listen at all..... told the maid to "GO AWAY" i was watching from a distance. then he continued to play with the powerpoint... then the maid explained that he would get electrocuteed..... still didn't care.... so i verbally told him not to do it. ignoreed me.... (piss off meter went up by 60%) then he started moving the stool away and the maid moved it back. then somehow the stool hit his cheek. oh boo hoo hooo..... starts crying..... yeah yeah yeah...... so i go there and tell him not to do it..... no need to cry..... starts whacking me repeatedly.... i angrycise (haha nice word) my voice and he still continues.... then i play sadist and as he whacks my hand... i grab his and he couldn't break free.... cries even louder.... -_-'' i let go and he starts whacking me again....... grabbeed it lor.... hai.....

do i sound like i hate him? ya in a sense yes... in mild way.... cause he tends to bully his little brother..... and the ironic part of it is that the little brother always sides him when he gets into trouble and that he is in the wrong.... hai... i dunno what is to become of him manz...

anywayz in the evening i went with the rest of my cousins on my mother's side.. .excluding the one studying in australia... god knows what he's doing.... went there with an N level cert ithink to study sciences..... finished 2nd year.... quits and joins business for a girl and i've lost track since..... i mean like "what the hell" i've seen cases in real life of devotion at my age.... dear emily is no stranger to that, sylvester too, the couple from 2T9 is some amazing feat.... yong chun and shimin..... haha thats really cute devotion... i mean he shaved bald with only the words MIN prominently displayed at the back of his head.... JUST FOR HER! they even lipped kissed daringly on yong chun's birthday last year..... wow....

so anywayz.... in relation to my mother's level.

my mom's first sister's daughter, working at TIMES
2nd sister's 2 sons. 1 of which DJed on Symphony 92.4 and now does anime dubbing... isn't that so cool? i'll probably sign up for that one day. lol
4th sisters older 2. (4th sister happens to be my godma... link link)

we all went to watch THE LAST SAMURAI...... my god..... that show was superbly fantastic!!! some of my principles in life skimply revolve around the samurai code.... and i was deeply touched by the show.... i was crying and crying because of the sheer bravery and honour these man fought not only in the movie but in real life.... how they were out numbered, out gunned and out classed and they still fought with their honour..... they are my heroes.... people i truly admire for their valour and honour in the battlefield.... it has given me motivation to learn more about their samurai code for which i will begin to once again model my life after.

having the chat with my friend earlier about love and devotion really got me thinking... i mean.... have i really loved someone b4.... has anyone actually accepted the love i mustered for them? does anyone care at all who this individual is? i was once well-known by almost the whole of Outram secondary... almost every teacher knew my name, most of the students knew me by name.... but how many ever became my friend? i mean come to think about it.... my bond with my past and present is very superficial and weak.... apart from the few great friends i have in secondary school. yes i can agree that in JC... i've met very close friends who are dear to me.... i mean i would be willing to die for them to honor myself. for many years.... this dream has been running through my mind.....

that my purpose in life:
is to serve someone with my heart and soul and that if i must.... die for this person.

as much as u think i'm making this up or that its copied from a samurai code... its not.... i have been having this dream ever since i was in primary school. its like a calling.... like hot lesbians can turn into nuns.... haha eww.... u get the picture eh?

i've at one point of time, in a recent blog.... i mentioned that i no longer have this.... girl in my mind.... though the occasional cute girls come along.... worth examing and joking about them in a different kinda sense but notthing long.... but for some reason.... this devotion feeling is calling again.... i''m not sure whether to call it a crush, blind love or what.... but it feels like this feeling that you wanna protect someone... to keep her happy.... yeah.... hai... screwed up feeling....

oh wellz... this is one solid blog... looks like an essay..... till my next blog... tata